What Do We Owe Each Other?

While I have been safely ensconced in #SHRM18, I haven’t been able to read the news as much as I’d like.  When I finally looked at my twitter feed devoted to news, I became angry, sad, frustrated, and a whole other host of emotions.  So as midnight approaches, here are some things I hope all of my HR friends take from this fantabulous conference to put into their worlds:

Compassion.  Oscar Munoz explained why caring comes immediately after safety at United.  Caring means holding a door open for a family who just landed a half a terminal away and who are running to catch the plane to see a sick grandma.  While a policy may say one thing, caring about the people we serve (and for those of us in HR, that includes our employees and candidates) sometimes says something different.  If our employees are empowered with compassion, they will do the right thing for our customers, clients, and the greater world.

Compassion.  While he may not have said it in quite this way, Tim Sackett talked about how CEOs want to be able to personalize our HR plans because our people are individuals who want personalization.  Personalization means we have to know, acknowledge, and understand the needs of candidates and employees.  We can’t personalize unless we are compassionate with the people we help every day.

Compassion.  In discussing inclusion, Joe Gerstandt asked us to imagine a world where employees have space to be themselves, we ask and they speak about the personal parts of their life so they don’t feel they have to hide parts of themselves.  “How are you really?”  “How is your mom?  Is she feeling better?”  Adding circle tables to a break room so people can interact.  Integrating our values into conversations about our objectives, especially when we are struggling with an issue.  We want our employees to be innovative problem-solvers, and we can do that by being compassionate with them.

Compassion.  I was unable to attend Adam Grant’s presentation.  But from what I saw on the twitters, it was amazing.  One thing he challenged me on is ending exit interviews.  The argument (via him and some super HR pros) is that we should have known about the problems before the employee leaves.  This is absolutely true.  We should have known.  When an employee is so afraid to talk to us while still working for us, we have lost.  Lost big time.  We need employees to want to talk with us, to want to share the good stuff and the bad stuff.  This takes trust.  We can foster trust by being compassionate with our folks.  Knowing their names, their struggles, their successes.  When they see that we are interested and invested in their well-being, they will come to us with their concerns.

So, what do we owe each other?  Do we owe each person around us respect?  Hells to the yeah.  Do we owe each other attention when a problem crops up or a success is achieved?  Yes.  Do we owe someone time when he is asking for help in dealing with FMLA paperwork because his wife is ill?  Yes.  All of this takes compassion.  When we see people suffering, do we owe them help?  Yes.  It breaks my heart to see people suffering.  I hope that is true for everyone in HR.  We owe ourselves, our employees, and the people around us compassion.

I’m going to try to remain hopeful and do better myself.

Photo by Matheus Ferrero on Unsplash

Relationships Fail

I’ve been a bit of a Donna Downer over the past two weeks.  With 15 harassment/respectful workplace training sessions, I have repeatedly explained the following:

Relationships fail at an alarming rate.  Think of all the relationships you suffer through before you get married.  Could be a lot, right?  Then, only 50 percent of marriages last.  So if you start a relationship at work, it might not last.  Are you ready for that?

Fifteen percent of relationships start at work.  This means that employers – and probably more than a few HR folk – wring their hands over what could happen with a relationship at work.  They may be worried about harassment, favoritism, and the distraction.  But they are also worried about the break-up.  Will the couple be professional?  Will they be petty?  Will their harassment and retaliation policies be invoked?  There are all sorts of worry.  Here’s what I’d like us to worry about.

Professionalism.  When we’re dating someone, we’re not professional.  We don’t keep physical contact to handshakes.  We may (overly) use emojis in emails and messages.  We share secrets, gossip, and vent about work stuff with our significant others.  These are all examples of behavior that is rarely “professional.”

Confidentiality.  Being in a relationship at work may mean we’re sharing sensitive and confidential information with someone who should not have the information.  If one of the couple is in payroll, processing bonus checks before bonuses are announced and shares what his partner is going to get before the announcement, this is a problem.  When we’re in the relationship, we believe we could trust our partner, yet people make mistakes.  Information goes farther than it should.  People find out about decisions before we’re ready to share them and

Harassment.  When couples get too touchy-feely in the workplace, others are uncomfortable.  As Black Widow once told Captain America, “Public displays of affection make people uncomfortable.”  When others are uncomfortable, harassment policies come into play.  It is not unusual to see another employee complain of harassment, especially when they believe (rightly or not) that favoritism is rearing its ugly head.

Chain of command.  When a relationship involves a manager and one of her employees, everything gets more complicated.  There will be allegations of favoritism.  If (when) the couple is in conflict with each other, it may (will) affect their working relationship.  Some of my clients prohibit these kinds of relationships, and I don’t blame them.  We may change the reporting structure, transfer one to a different shift or department.  The risks here given the imbalance of power are significant.

With those concerns, some employers resort to love contracts.  Please don’t.  Love contracts give the appearance that the employer is dictating the terms and conditions of the romance.  And, with the piece of paper, we look even more like we’re heavily monitoring the relationship.  Not a good look.  That said, HR and a manager can certainly have a conversation with the couple about their responsibilities to be professional and avoid the appearance of conflicts of interests.  This conversation should happen.  It even should be documented by HR, but please don’t have a love contract signed by the couple.  We want to be human at work, not overlords.

Despite some of the content of this post, I’m a huge fan of love.  We go into love with big eyes, big hearts, and bushy tails – as it should be.  When that love happens at work, there’s a new level of complexity where we have to be careful.  Call your friendly neighborhood employment attorney.

 

Photo by Kseniya Petukhova on Unsplash